This story is told of a browbeating counsel,who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent’s witnesses.
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.
“I want ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ “thundered counsel.”There is no need for you to argue the point!”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by ‘yes ‘or ‘no,’ “mildly responded the witness.
“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.
“Oh,” said the witness,”answer this then:”Have you ceased beating your wife?”
A man saw a store sale, and went in.
“You buy anything?” “I want to buy dog food.”
“We have rules, you must prove that you have the dog.”
“Where is this?” “Discounted goods.”
Man and assistant grinding, assistant or don’t agree to sell him. No man had to go home, the dog, just bought a dog food. After a few days, the man went to the store and buy cat.
“Give me two boxes of cat.” “We have rules, you must prove that you have a cat.”
Or the assistant and she dawdle, men, or had to go home to bring the cat cat food to buy.
A few days later, the man digs a hole hug big boxes to the shop, find the shop assistant.
“You buy anything?” “You just know handle knob.”
Salesman: “hand in what ah, stick.”
“I want to buy two commonly roll of toilet paper.”
My two sister and I were all away at various colleges at the same time. One day, after facing one crisis too many and tired of being treated like just another undergraduate, I phoned home for some consolation and understanding of my unique problems.
When my dad answered, I immediately launched into my litany of frustrations with college life. As I paused to catch my breath, he said, “O.K., honey…now, fist of all, who is this?”
With several years of Army National Guard duty under his belt, my roommate applied for officer training. But his lifelong dreams were dashed after he failed the eye exam. “That’s too bad,” I sympathized. “Does that mean you now have to quit the Guard entirely?” “No, I get to keep my old job,” he said. “Driving trucks.”
There was a historical marker near our West Virginia home commemorating the Civil War Battle of Blue’s Gap. One day when an oncoming bus was taking too wide a turn, my wife swerved our van out of the way, accidentally clipped the sign and broke it. Wanting to do the right thing, I called the state police to report the damage. Apparently the war is still not over, because the trooper I spoke to asked, “Who won that battle?” “The Union,” I replied. “Well, don’t worry about it,” he said, and hung up.
One day a bunch of naughty children wanted to make fun of him and said to him:” There are birds’ eggs on that tree. Won’t you get them for us please? We can’t climb up.”
Loath to disappoint the children, he was ready to climb the tree. But knowing that the mischievous youngsters would make off with his boots if he left them on the ground, he tied them to his waist-band before he started the climb.
“We’ll take care of your boots for you!” the children chorused.
“No, thank you!” was he reply. “I am a busy man. And as soon as I’ve got the eggs for you, I’ll make my way home along the tree-tops.”
Mr. White was watching TV when his eight-year-old son came into the room. He cried, “Father, my grandpa just now slapped me in the face.” Hearing that, Mr. White became very angry. And then he suddenly boxed his own ears heavily and said,” You beat my son and I dare to beat yours.”
The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they couldn’t figure out what time it was, the first boy said to the second, “Start singing very loud.”
“How will that help?” said the second boy.
“Just do it,” insisted the first.
Both boys broke into song, singing at the top of their lungs. Moments later, a neighbor threw open her window and shouted, “Keep it down! Don’t you know it’s three o’clock in the morning?”
There was once a landlord who always pretended he was knowledgeable though he was completely unable to read or write.
One day when the landlord was chatting with his guests, a servant came in and gave him a letter which asked him to lend a cow. The landlord was afraid that
his guests would know he was unable to read or write, so he opened the envelope and glanced over the words. Then he said to the servant, “OK, please tell him I’ll go there myself in a few minutes.”
The sentence in the Thanksgiving edition of my church bulletin intended to say “Thank you, Lord, for the many miracles we are too blind to see.” But in what might have been a classic Freudian slip, the sentence read
“Thank you, Lord, for the many miracles we are too blond to see.”
 |
 |
