This story is told of a browbeating counsel,who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent’s witnesses.
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.
“I want ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ “thundered counsel.”There is no need for you to argue the point!”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by ‘yes ‘or ‘no,’ “mildly responded the witness.
“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.
“Oh,” said the witness,”answer this then:”Have you ceased beating your wife?”
My two sister and I were all away at various colleges at the same time. One day, after facing one crisis too many and tired of being treated like just another undergraduate, I phoned home for some consolation and understanding of my unique problems.
When my dad answered, I immediately launched into my litany of frustrations with college life. As I paused to catch my breath, he said, “O.K., honey…now, fist of all, who is this?”
A specialist in statistical teacher, he is not very clever, as his immortals.
The first day of class –
The teacher announced: in my class, you can very easily, want to eat breakfast, but to eat except the steak, basically, I don’t want to see anyone at other food to eat, Sleep can also, but must cover the quilt…
Students laugh.
Teacher: I only compared to care about is that mobile phones must shut down, because I would never allow anyone disturb those who are sleeping. Students and laugh.
When the final exams, everyone is busy with their answers, finally rang… The teacher began rewinder, one of the students look nervously at you at the next 1,000 yuan, plus a piece of “10 yuan 1″.
Students in teacher very proud than gestures “ok”, the teacher in the student also than “ok”. At the next class teacher finally hair examination, the student thought this exam must be 100 points, unexpectedly (don’t busy see results, if you are a teacher, what would you do? The teacher gave him a “59″ paper and write “410 yuan” note.
A man married swear to god to his marriage, but soon he was derailed marriage, he found nothing after a few days of shangguan recompense, also dismissed. Until one day he met a boat sailing, he suddenly realized that this was god’s punishment and hurriedly knelt down and prayed: look at other requests on the innocent Ken forgive him. Then, just listen to the sky was a deep voice: you think I idle, raise the ship to me?
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.
She thought about this for awhile and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
He said, “What?”
With several years of Army National Guard duty under his belt, my roommate applied for officer training. But his lifelong dreams were dashed after he failed the eye exam. “That’s too bad,” I sympathized. “Does that mean you now have to quit the Guard entirely?” “No, I get to keep my old job,” he said. “Driving trucks.”
There was a historical marker near our West Virginia home commemorating the Civil War Battle of Blue’s Gap. One day when an oncoming bus was taking too wide a turn, my wife swerved our van out of the way, accidentally clipped the sign and broke it. Wanting to do the right thing, I called the state police to report the damage. Apparently the war is still not over, because the trooper I spoke to asked, “Who won that battle?” “The Union,” I replied. “Well, don’t worry about it,” he said, and hung up.
One day a bunch of naughty children wanted to make fun of him and said to him:” There are birds’ eggs on that tree. Won’t you get them for us please? We can’t climb up.”
Loath to disappoint the children, he was ready to climb the tree. But knowing that the mischievous youngsters would make off with his boots if he left them on the ground, he tied them to his waist-band before he started the climb.
“We’ll take care of your boots for you!” the children chorused.
“No, thank you!” was he reply. “I am a busy man. And as soon as I’ve got the eggs for you, I’ll make my way home along the tree-tops.”
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.
One of the guys takes out a pair of “Nikes” from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, “Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?”
His friend replies: “I don’t have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you.”
Mr. White was watching TV when his eight-year-old son came into the room. He cried, “Father, my grandpa just now slapped me in the face.” Hearing that, Mr. White became very angry. And then he suddenly boxed his own ears heavily and said,” You beat my son and I dare to beat yours.”
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